The deepest part of me still truly and absolutely love you. How is that even possible? Lately, I’ve come to the realization that I know nothing about love. Well, I probably know something, but it’s nothing compared to what others know about it: a father working day in and out to provide for his family, a wife sacrificing herself and everything she is for her husband, a single parent juggling school and work in hopes of a better future for the children.
I don’t even know how love feels apart from the way it felt with you. I promised myself many months ago that I will no longer write about you, that my words will stop being about you. Yet, the moment I made that promise words stopped coming to me. It had begun as an eerie silence in my head. My thoughts were no longer of you. Yes, it was a welcome change, one that I’ve been craving for, but it also came with an emptiness.
It was 5:45 this morning when I woke up with a start from a dream of you. And as it has always been whenever that happens, I woke up at my happiest. The kind of happiness you can almost feel in every cell of your body, the kind that gives you a sense of peace, the kind that somehow gives you meaning. God, if I could stay in that wonderful 10-second happiness, I would. No questions asked. But then… stinking, gut-wrenching, face-slapping reality sets in.
It was a dream. ALL. A. DREAM.
It was then that I realized that beautiful dreams can become nightmares. Some people believe that dreams have meanings. I’m skeptical about that. If dreams do have meanings, maybe mine means I’m crazy and delusional. Haha! I don’t know.
Welp. Stop this pseudo-writing that you do. This is ranting and procrastinating. Back to work. Happy Sunday, self. Go get a life later. 🙂