A Saturday Night of a Broke Girl: Thoughts

“Why do you love sunsets so much?” my brother asked me a few days ago.

I sat there unable to answer a perfectly acceptable question. It wasn’t that I didn’t have an answer or that I didn’t know the reason for my, in his words, “obsession” about sunsets. The truth was, I could not put into words what sunsets mean to me. Well, of course, I could. Just not in the words he’d somehow understand, and especially not in the words my mother, who was present at that time, would even begin to understand.

Sunsets, to me, are a constant reminder that, as cliche as it sounds, life is beautiful. I feel constantly lost in this world, unable to find my meaning, and I feel that somehow my existence is a cosmic anomaly. Sunsets take all those feelings away. Sunsets make me grateful. Grateful that, however insignificant I feel, I get to witness every day one of nature’s epic displays. And, as the sun touches the horizon, as the sky bursts into different magnificent hues of orange, I remember once again that life is worth living, I ought to give it a shot. To a thousand more sunsets!



The Lottery Tag

I don’t know if it’s just me but winning a huge lottery jackpot is one of my favorite fantasies so when I saw The Lottery Tag posts by Angela and Janah, whose blogs I both love, I wanted to join in even if wasn’t tagged by anyone. Hahaha! Anyway, this was originally created by Natalie. And here’s how Natalie explained it.

Imagine you won the lottery. There is no set sum of money – it could be $100 or $100m dollars – let your imagination run with it. All up for interpretation. Tell us what you would do with that money, and then tag a couple of your blogging friends to do the same. Or don’t. No need to mention me for creating it; you can if you want, but I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t.

Without any more delay, join me as I indulge in my fantasies.

Small Stuff


I don’t mean to buy National Bookstore, of course. But I would like to buy everything I love in NBS. This store has everything a school and office supply nut could imagine. Books, stationery, pens… It’s heaven on Earth!


I’m not too particular with gadgets but if I have lots and lots of extra moola, I’d most definitely give in to the pleasure of these shiny things.

Big Stuff


Photo from Forbes.com

There’s a lot of this Earth I haven’t explored. And so I really would like to pack my bags, just pick a place, and just go there. I would like to travel with my family, friends, and alone. Also, I would also love to give my parents their dream vacation.


Photo from AccreditedSchoolsOnline.org

As of now, YouTube is my teacher but when I could, I’d someday enroll in a culinary school so I could pursue a passion I’ve just recently discovered.

Really Big Stuff


– I’d renovate my parents’ house, the house where my brothers and I grew up in, so that it stays standing for the next 30, 60, 100 years. I would love for my future nieces and nephews, hopefully my own kids, too, to see the house where we grew up in.


– I’m a city girl but I’d build my dream house somewhere near the beach hopefully where I could see a beautiful sunset every afternoon.


– Although I’m still not sure how to go about this but here’s the idea, I’d like to provide a better access to healthcare for my city. If you’ve visited any of the public hospitals in the Philippines, you’d know how limited access to good healthcare is. I know how complicated this matter is and I know this can’t be solved in a snap but I still would like to be able to do something about it especially in my city. Hopefully the whole country next.


– Of course, I wouldn’t miss an opportunity of a lifetime and invest in something sustainable.


TIME’S UP!!! That’s it.


Just Random Life Thoughts

The notion of finding someone who will put your broken pieces back together, fix you, heal you, and complete you is wonderful. But wouldn’t it be more poetic if you do that yourself? Accept your brokenness and fight like hell to stand up. Put yourself back together one painful piece at a time. Let the wind and sunshine heal you and your passion complete you.

I think that will be a story more beautiful than any out there for it is entirely your own. Forged by your spirit and the blood in your veins. A story yours alone that no one else can take credit for.

Reminder: Life Goals

So I wrote this piece last year when I did the 30-Day Blogging Challenge. I’m still currently working on these goals but sometimes I lose sight of these on days when I’m being crazy. That is why I decided to repost this on my blog to remind myself of these five essential things. It’s still a very long way, self, but you’re on your way. Keep going.


Write Again

Writing has always been one of the things I wanted to do. Verbal communication isn’t my strongest suit even when it comes to my family and friends. I feel like I’m a better communicator through written words. The sad part is I don’t have much practice in writing because I’ve been so caught up with everything that I didn’t really make an effort on making myself a better writer… or even a good writer.

It may be a little late, but the important thing is I have finally come to the realization that the world doesn’t owe me anything. That if I want something, I have to work for it, maybe even shed tears and sweat. It’ll be a long, hard way but I’m up for it because if I want to have my stories heard or read, I have to write again.

Continue Blogging

As I’ve already mentioned on a previous post (first entry), I have long wanted to start a blog. But because I have a masters degree on procrastination, it took me five freaking years to finally make my first blog post since I planned on having a personal blog. It’s amazing how I finally got around to it. So my second goal is to sustain the energy to continue blogging. Nurture this blog as my personal avenue where I could develop myself in writing, a channel of my deep, dark, insane thoughts. If along the way this inspires someone else, then that’d be a welcome bonus. For now, this blog will be for me.

Lose Weight

Who doesn’t have this on their goals? I don’t have the accurate stats on this but I’m willing to bet that most people have this on their list. In my case, I really need this for every reason in the world. My mantra: Lighter, faster, stronger, better.


As a kid, I told myself I’d only go abroad for travel and other stuff. I don’t want to work anywhere else but my country alone. There is no place like home. Without meaning to sound like a total traitor to my country, I have to admit that good-paying jobs are difficult to find here. So yeah, I’ll be seeking opportunities abroad for financial growth. Hopefully, somewhere along the way, I find personal growth as well.

Find my Inner Ninja

This goal is kind of the miscellaneous box on categorized goals. I didn’t want to name it something cliché, hence, the inner ninja. I guess what my goal here really is personal growth. To learn new things like calligraphy and yoga. Explore places. Study history and literature. Start ticking off things on my bucket list. Speaking of, organize my bucket list. Do something. Be someone. Chase life and find happiness.

You and I


One day, we’ll sit together, beer in our hands and smiles on our faces. We’ll talk about how we used to be. You’d tell me about all the adventures you’ve had, the loves you’ve loved, and the life you’ve had.

I’d tell you about all the stories I haven’t told you, the crazy things I never thought I’d do, the beautiful views I’ve seen, and all the loves I’ve loved. I’d ask you more questions than I ever had the chance before. I’d get to know you again. Heck, I’d get to know more.

I always wonder about how it will be when we see each other. Will it be the same us with just a different you and I? Will it be like not a decade passed between us? Will having you beside me be familiar?

Or will we be strangers? Mere faces in both our distant memories. We’ll share the same stories but the people in our stories are different from the ones beside us. Will we share the same awkward hello as the first time we met? Or will we hug each other as tight as we did when we said goodbye?

All these things I have yet to know. And I will continue to wonder until we meet again.

The Lie We All Say

“How are you?” Somebody asks.

“I’m okay,” you say.

We say “I’m okay” so often we even come to a point of believing we’re okay. It’s sad that we have to lie about this. Heck, I even find myself literally telling myself while I’m breaking down, “You’re okay. It’s okay. Everything will be fine.”

Do I believe everything will be fine? Maybe. But am I really okay?

I think I have gotten so good at pretending that things are fine and dandy because when I’m around people I actually “believe” I’m okay. It’s almost like I’m a completely different person when I’m around people.

It’s when I’m alone and alone in my thoughts that I say, “No, you’re not okay.”

Not okay is all I have right now.

The Power of a Single Scent

In comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes its way here
Lilac blooms reminds me of the scent of your perfume

One scent.

A scent that I could not for the life of me describe. I have no idea what brand of perfume or cologne it is. I don’t even remember it when I voluntarily try to recall it. But I swear just one whiff of it gives me this crazy nostalgia.

Yesterday, it happened again. It was probably one of the worse ways it could happen because it was while I was walking the busy streets of Cogon. For context: being around the public market, the streets of Cogon are jam-packed with people, street vendors everywhere, parked and moving vehicles alike. A vortex of chaos.

It was getting late so we decide to divide and conquer the errands that had to be done. My dad asked me to go buy meat from Ororama Supercenter, which was a few blocks away from where we were parked.

So there I was walking, maneuvering my way around the chaos and attempting to cross a street with a slew of oncoming vehicles, when a cool breeze came along with that scent. I caught a whiff of it and I was done.

How could I have forgotten that smell? The scent I smelled on a lot of days a thousand moons ago. That scent will always bring to me a sense of nostalgia. Memories both happy and said. Memories that I sometimes willingly relive and sometimes I desperately run away from.

Unless I scour the depths of the malls here around the city, I’ll probably never find out what scent that was. And I choose not to. Because, as much I hate suddenly being nostalgic while crossing a street, I also like being hit with some of my favorite memories without notice. Like a good kind of warmth on a long, tiring day.

A time machine.

That is the power of a single scent. It takes you back to what once was.

With that, let me cap off my reverie with this beautiful song from Boyz II Men, 4 Seasons of Loneliness.