30-Day Challenge: Day 13

The Movie that RUINED Me.

Disclaimer: This should have been a “What’s in my Fridge” post but since I don’t live alone, I don’t really have much say on the contents of the fridge. Since I personally think it’s not post-worthy I’ve decided to do my own version of Day 13 for this challenge.

Instead, I’ll talk about the movie that ruined me. This movie was based on Cheryl Strayed’s memoir entitled Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Now, I’m no professional movie critic so you’ll have to forgive me lots if my piece on this comes out awful.

I haven’t read the memoir itself and it’s been months since I first and last saw the movie. (Not watching it anytime soon). I saw Wild’s trailer and immediately said to myself, “I’m watching this movie.” I knew it would enlighten and make me cry but I never thought it would ruin me.

Now, for all those who haven’t seen Wild, the protagonist (Cheryl Strayed) is played by Reese Witherspoon. She goes on a long hike/trek on the Pacific Crest Trail after her divorce. Based on a series of flashbacks, her story is revealed. Her deep relationship with her mom, losing her mom to cancer, dealing with her grief, depression. Finding comfort in heroin and sex with strangers.

I refuse to go into the details of the movie since I don’t trust myself to give justice in talking about it. Also,  by not giving too much detail, I hope it’ll encourage someone to go watch it. The movie was brilliant in that it was able to capture such raw emotions. It did not only talk about grief and losing yourself to grief. It talked about losing yourself in general and it put a spotlight on the theme of forgiving one’s self.

Let’s admit it. Love yourselfforgive yourself are two of the things we spew out like it’s nothing when in reality, it’s everything. And it’s just one of the hardest things to do in this world.

Tell me, how do you forgive yourself? For all the mistakes you’ve made, for the things you didn’t do, for everything you are and are not.

My favorite lines.

“What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I’d done something I shouldn’t have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I’d done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do anything differently than I had done? What if I’d actually wanted to fuck every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn’t have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?”

This movie did ruin me in that I went into crazy melancholic state for days. But I’d also say that this move also made me. It taught me so much on forgiveness, perseverance, and not giving up. Hate yourself a hundred million times but one day, find it in you to learn to forgive yourself. Think about quitting a thousand times but at the end of the day, always choose to take another step and keep on moving. Keep on fighting. Because really, in life, that’s the only thing that matters, right? That we kept on fighting especially for ourselves.



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