Out of Time

I’ve never been afraid of death. That’s mainly because I feel like I have nothing to leave behind. I have no child to leave behind, whose welfare I have to worry about the moment I stopped breathing. Of course, I have my family, my parents and brothers. But they can take care of themselves. My family along with my friends will grieve for some time and then they’re going to go on with their lives.

I’ve never been afraid of death… until I came to the possibility that I was out of time. It was nothing really. It was just me being my usual paranoid self. I had seen a doctor and when I got home I decided to Google my medical results.

13100935_10153412164496433_6475714768284150698_n

And then I started reading about the likelihood of cancer at freaking 2AM and my follow-up appointment wasn’t until two weeks after…

It’s laughable right now. But a few weeks ago, I found myself thinking whether or not I should tell my family. If I decide I would, how do I tell them? I found myself composing goodbye letters for all those people who mean to me.  I found myself crying like I was actually about to die.

And on those crazy moments, I thought about all the things I missed. The place I haven’t gone to because I kept postponing my trip there. The trip I’ve always wanted to take with friends. The hobby I still haven’t pursued. The book I haven’t read. The get-togethers I missed because I didn’t feel like seeing people that day. All the play-times with my dog that I put off. All the trivial things I should have done a long time ago but didn’t.

That’s when I realized that I haven’t lived yet. Up until then, I’ve never been so afraid to die because I didn’t realize how much I haven’t lived until I thought I was out of time.

Advertisements

Project: Chasing Sunsets

March 26, 2016

It was a Saturday and I was feeling kind of down. You know, that feeling where you’re not exactly sad but you’re definitely not happy either? And so there i was working away on a Saturday afternoon with a cloud over my head. I wanted — no, I needed  fresh air. I need energy. I need the sun.

I thought, “Sunset.”

Thus, I began this little project of mine called Chasing Sunsets. I decided to go look for places in the city with the best view of sunset. I think it’s a great idea. It would be a little adventure around the city.

So because I had no idea where to go to have the perfect view around the city, I asked Google. The results were disappointing. I had a few great places in mind, of course, but I was budget and time restricted.

My cousin, whom I was texting, suggested a place which I didn’t like but you can’t really complain when you’re short on options. Agusan Hilltop, she said. I’m not sure what the name officially is because I see several versions of the name referring to the same place (I think). Anyway, Agusan Hilltop, is located in one of the barangays of Cagayan de Oro City. It’s 15 to 20 minutes away from the city proper depending on logistics like mode of transport, traffic, and how high the driver is.

As soon as I finished work, I upped and left. I decided to ride a jeepney because what is adventure if you’re just going to hail a cab the first chance you get. And, of course, it’s ten times cheaper. My cousin and I got to Agusan Hilltop and true to its name, it’s on top of a hill. We had to walk a few meters (I’m horrible at estimating distances so I’m not even going to bother) uphill and because I’m badly out of shape… let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

When we got to the entrance, it took all the energy left in me to control myself and not cry. It was closed! (I hate how I don’t have photos for this part). Apparently, it’s not open to public anymore but the caretaker said we could go there if the owners weren’t around. For someone who dabbles on the paranoid side, that statement didn’t sound good to me at all. I could think of all the horrible things that could happen, not to mention being sued with trespassing. No, thank you.

As we always say, when life gives you lemons make lemonade. I brushed it off and decided to go the beach instead! Sunset and beach? Sounds perfect! There was a beach nearby in the next barangay. We rode a pedicab to get to there. This beach is no Boracay though. No white sand. Heck, there was no sand. There were stones, lots of it. I had a horrible memory of this beach but let’s save that for next time.

By the time we got there, it was already around 6PM so we we a little late and I realized we were in the eastern part side of the city so it wasn’t a direct view. But that’s okay.

Finally, my dose of sunset.

12006174_10153342033216433_4892535977535917085_n

One of the best places to be, the beach.

12063812_10153342032961433_9179002238795241767_n

 

1934758_10153342032266433_5859544483209451347_n

12919744_10153342033466433_3920039228966953375_n

12799189_10153342033356433_5259354367122855884_n

All in all, I would say this was a fun day. It’s been sooo long since I did something totally random. Although, this was a little #fail, it did do its purpose: make me feel alive. I promise this wouldn’t be the last of it. To more sunsets!

Promise to Self

In the off chance that some poor soul stumbles upon this blog, a word of warning: this is NOT a happy organized place. This will be an online channel of the clutter in my head. Now, before this takes on an entirely miserable tone, let me tell you why I’m here.

Have you ever been given the advice in the words of “put yourself out there?” Well, I have and oftentimes I even give that same advice to myself. (Sounds crazy, right?) This is me “putting myself out there.” I’m not sure where “out there” exactly is but I guess this is something.

This blog is a promise. A promise to myself. A promise that I will stop being scared and do something. I’ve always wanted to put up a blog. After putting it off for years, I finally got around to it.  That said, this blog will be a work in progress. I’ll be figuring out how to shape this project of mine. I already have ideas and I will get to them.

Random. Everything in between. That is me. Hence, I will be writing about anything. Mind you, I have read tons of “How to Start a Blog” articles before actually starting this and they all emphasized the importance of a distinct subject. But let’s put that on the back burner for now and jump right in because the main reason I’m starting this is I want to have stories. Happy stories, dark, random, angry. Everything. Mundane to profound. This will be my story.